At play group today I blurted out “I’ve got a bloody bachelors of commerce degree” whilst singing an off-tune nursery rhyme that they had changed the words to in order to make it a game. It’s not that I think I’m above it, it’s just that in that moment, walking around in circles dragging a cranky toddler, trying to squash the new words into the old song, playing a game that he didn’t understand, my life seemed ridiculous.
I’ve had a 90’s song stuck in my head. It’s by the offspring and it goes ‘na-na why don’t you get a job’. I guess it’s because for some reason my stay at home mommy-hood has been on my mind and a few months ago the issue came to a head.
As I pulled into my drive the stay at home mom next door stepped out of the house. She looked fabulous. Hair and make up on point, clothes clean and ironed and not built for a trip to the park, sunglasses, jewellery…no kids in tow. Her youngest is just a few months older than my youngest. He’s started play school and she told me she was on her way to a job interview. And then she said it. “I just can’t stay home like you do, I don’t know how you do it, I’m bored”
Bam there it is. The thing no stay at home mom wants to admit. But now I want to shout it. Yes I’m constantly busy. Yes I don’t have a moment to myself. Yes I am bloody exhausted. But I am so. damn. bored. I think some of us feel it but don’t want to say it because society already has a stigma that stay at home moms are lazy or don’t have the ability to hold down a job. So we talk about the million unseen things that we do and how busy we are but no one adds ‘and I’m bored’.
You see once long ago I wasn’t a stay at home mom. For a short while there I was a fashion designer and slightly interesting person. But I gave up having a career right now to be home with my kids while they are still small. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not one to get involved in ‘the mommy wars’. I know some moms have to work. They need to to provide for their families. And I know some choose to for themselves, so that they can give the best part of a happy person to their children when they get home. Everyone does what’s best for them. But I chose to stay at home.
I love my kids. I love being there for the milestones and little things. But let me tell you, staying at home is not for the mentally weak. No, stay at home moms are a tough bunch of women. Some days we do not want to play blocks or dress up. Some days we don’t want to make another uneaten lunch. Some days we want to have conversations with adults that doesn’t involve poo talk. We want to talk shit.
But we find ways to cope in the isolation where you are never alone. We find creative outlets, projects, volunteering, other moms. Not because we have the time but because we need something of our own. For me right now it’s writing. Sometimes my head gets so full of useless thoughts I need to dump them on paper. Other mom’s have asked me how I find the time to write but I don’t find the time, I have to.
So here I am, a stay at home mom, just throwing it out there…I’m bored. But na-na I won’t get a job (yet).